Life Alone
by Bethyxx
Summary: SPOILERS FOR HOWARDS LAST EPISODE- PLEASE do not read if you dont like spoilers. SAD FANFIC. Italics are the past. Is it a dream or is this all reality?


_"Howard!" Emma screamed from the top of her lungs "Howard please! NO!" She cried and sobbed as she felt the arms of a nurse wrap around her shaking body "NO!" she just kept shouted, attempting to fight out the grip of the nurse holding her back "Wake up Howard!" She sobbed "Wake up, I need you!"_

* * *

And It was all over. Something that seemed like a nightmare was actually reality. The last time I would see that face that I had seen for 12 years of my life. Gone. Just like that.

It doesn't seem like 5 minutes ago that Myself Emma Reid and Mr. Howard Bellamy had met for the first time back in the days. I always have the memory of when I first walked in to the building, he stood tall and proud with his hand held out ready to greet me . He wore the usual smart suit and waist coats just like he always had and as the years had gone on, he had never actually changed his sense of style, it was always the same but that's what made him Howard; he didn't do change. The same combed over quiff in his hair and always smartly presented.

 _"Howard Bellamy, You must be Doctor Reid... Welcome!" He spoke, taking her hand and shaking as they both shared a smile between one another._

Our relationship as both friends and as a couple was always challenging, I will admit that. I cannot act as though I was innocent and I am still ever so grateful for Howard fighting for me, never giving up on me, no matter how horrid I was to hm. Howard didn't know what kind of person I was. I hated myself for lying to him about my marriage to Sam, I didn't want to hurt him. I hated running away on him that day, I don't think he never knew how hard it was for me to leave him that day, to turn away and never look back. It was the hardest thing ever.

 _"You ran back to your family, your life, it was easy" Howard shouted._

He deserved better than me but I couldn't stop. It's like I needed him, he was my other half, the other half that kept me going. We could never be either; Friends or Lovers. Howard and I had this strange bond that no one else could have, as lovers we were spectacular, we always made each smile, our feelings for one another grew stronger but it always somehow came to end because we couldn't work it out, it was shame. As friends, well... we couldn't be just friends. There was always this feeling or attraction that would pull us back to one another, those feelings of love and passion never left us. The chemistry between us all too much and too powerful to resist. I was in love With Howard Bellamy and I never got the chance to tell him that, I never will.

 _"You know when I first met you, I thought "Oh she looks like she's going be trouble" and you know how right I was" he nudged her with a smirk._

 _"cheek!" She smirked back, wrapping her arm around his and cuddling in to him._

 _"And now with everything that happened, with Sam, us breaking up.. everything that's happened, I finally have you... You're mine!" Howard smiles with a nod "And what's even more wonderful is we have a baby on the way... We can be a proper family, big house, a garden, cherishing all the memories that we make together... "_

 _"We have lots to look forward to!" Emma agreed placing one hand on her stomach._

 _"A whole future together..." Howard smiles, kissing her forehead._

It's all a blur now, how could something so perfect be over in less than a day. The silence of my hospital room ringing in my ears, I remember my mind didn't seem like it was with me, I looked in the mirror and saw my tear stained cheeks now raw red from the amount of crying I had done. I didn't think It would stop. My heart had been tugged out so slowly and my whole world had crumbled around me. I was alone. I had lost the most two important things in the space of 12 hours. I kept looking up towards the door, waiting for that tall proud man to walk in and hold me tight, tell me that everything was okay and that future we had talked about less than 24 hours ago would start now...

But he didn't. I was just staring at a door.

 _"We are all very sorry for your loss Doctor Reid..." The doctor said sympathetically._

Which Emma just nodded, she wasn't paying any attention. It had been the worst day of her life.

 _"I got you babe, I got you babe..." Howard sang so out of tune to which Emma just giggled and stared lovingly in to his eyes._

It really was all over. I picked up my hospital bag and walked down the long silent corridors which led to my life alone, no Howard, no perfect family just me. My mind just flooded with my life with Howard and what could have been. Memories, it's all It will ever be.


End file.
